Today the show following Dirty Jobs was “Verminators,” about – you guessed it – exterminators.  Roaches and rats were on the menu today, being the most common critters that hang around. There were three places featured:  a horse stable with a major rat infestation, an apartment with roaches, and a house with a mild rat infestation.

The horse stable, I can understand. One pair of rats gets in and they can make up to 100 rats a month. Boom, huge rat infestation. Especially in a place like a stable, which isn’t necessarily kept squeaky clean because it’s impossible. The house with rats was actually a clean house, they’d just gotten rats in the attic and they were nesting behind the oven. The woman’s reaction was appropriately horrified. She was willing to do whatever it took to get the rats out because she was afraid of the diseases they might transmit to her family. Eww, gross, kill rats, yay, job well done.

The apartment was what got me. When I say “they had roaches” it wasn’t a few behind the stove, or hiding in the baseboards. They were camped out in front of the TV smoking cigars. (Frank Hayes’ “Roaches on Parade” comes to mind.) Everything they touched in the apartment had roaches on or behind it. And there was a LOT of stuff. Stuff piled up on beds, stuff piled on couches, stuff piled on tables, pile, pile, pile. And everything with roaches. The baby crib was crawling with them.  And it was all filthy. And the people living there just kind of shrugged, resigned to their filth. Obviously they had called the exterminators so they were concerned with the problem, but it didn’t look like they had tried to do anything about it.

I have had roaches in places I have rented. It’s almost impossible not to. I even had mice at one apartment, since the idiots who had installed the stove cut a giant hole in the wall and left it unpatched. Luckily, I had cats who were more than willing to camp out in front of said stove and wait for “playtime.” (The mice smartened up quick and didn’t come back.) This apartment was near a drainage ditch – not a concrete one, but a dug-out which had only a trickle of water through it that led down to a runoff-pond. It was an excellent breeding ground for damn near everything, and damn near everything thought it would be great to come inside since the food was better. At one point, the downstairs neighbors – filthy, annoying, tactless people who let the entire neighborhood of kids run in and out of their place – moved out, and the clean-up crew said it was the worst apartment they’d ever seen. So when they moved out, what do you think happened to the horde of critters living off them? They spread out to look for new sources of food. Suddenly I had roaches coming out of the woodwork – literally – to see what was for dinner.

I fought. I cringed. I scrubbed. I researched. I put down sugar and borax, I put bait paste in the corners and along the bottoms of the cabinets, I tried one of those devices that emitted sound to drive bugs away. (Which was the only thing that didn’t work. I pulled that out of the wall socket a month later to find the roaches LIVING IN IT.) I took out the wall plates and put bait paste in. I changed out roach motels constantly. I repackaged all my food to be in airtight containers. I left nothing out and no dishes in the sink. And it took a few months, but eventually I either killed them all or made the place so inhospitable that they left for good. I did not have any interest in living in a place with roaches, to have them near my food, to have them near me while I slept. I immediately started fighting and didn’t let up until I’d won. I imagined them crawling all over everything and I couldn’t stand it.

So why is it that people resign themselves to living in filth? To living in infestations, in dirt, in dust, in sticky floors and heaps of trash? I’ve had friends and neighbors who live like this, with piles of dirty clothes and things heaped up everywhere, floors unwashed, toilets worse than a truck stop bathroom, kitchens I wouldn’t boil water in, pet urine and feces left in the corners (one person I helped to move had so much cat urine in her apartment that my eyes burned), litterboxes overflowing, rooms full of junk they never look at.  I once had a sinus infection that required a month-long regimen of heavy-duty antibiotics from helping a couple clean their house.

I simply cannot understand it. I’m not spic-and-span by any stretch of the imagination. There’s dust on my shelves, my sink gets full of dishes, and cat hair gets on everything. My mother is the Clean Queen. If she says a place is clean, it means you can eat off the floor. That is, you could eat SOUP off the floor.  My house will likely never be as clean as hers, but I do attempt to keep it tidy. I vacuum once every week or two, I wash the bathroom and kitchen every other weekend, I change the sheets weekly and do my laundry when the hamper gets full.

But really… how can you come home every night to the smell, the dirty carpets, the peeling paint, the skitters out of the corner of your eye when you flip the light switch on? It’s foreign to me, when cleaning agents are so cheap and plentiful. A bottle of Mr. Clean is only a couple of bucks, and you can get a cheap knockoff that works just as well at the dollar store. The best toilet bowl cleaner out there is $1.50 a bottle (The Works – btw, will also remove rust and hard water stains). Scrubbing bubbles? Spray it on and leave it for 10 minutes, then wipe it down with a sponge and rinse. Bleach is your friend. How hard is it? Were people never taught how to clean by their parents? Was having a clean home never important? Is it just easier to resign yourself to living in junk and dirt and “someday I will clean up”?

Yeah, and someday I’ll win the lottery, too.

Mark the ones you’ve seen. Then, put x’s next to the films you’ve seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. There are 239 films on this list.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane

Total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total so far: 11

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x ) Scary Movie
(x ) Scary Movie 2
(x ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x ) American Pie
(x ) American Pie 2
(x ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 17

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

Total so far: 23

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x ) Signs
(x ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x ) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots

Total so far: 30

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) King Pin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
(x ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x ) Joe Dirt
() KING KONG

Total so far: 32

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x ) Flubber

Total so far: 33

(x ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
() Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 35

(x ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child’s Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x ) Sixteen Candles
(x ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 39

(x ) Bad Boys
(x ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x ) Ocean’s Eleven
( ) Ocean’s Twelve
(x ) Bourne Identity
(x ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
() Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 46

( ) Independence Day
(x ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x ) Christine
(x) ET
(x ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds (again, which one?)
(x ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 53

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She’s All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon–
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3

Total so far: 60

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total so far: 72

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
(x ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf’s Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin

Total so far: 75

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring-
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers-
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King–
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 81

( ) Basketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three

Total so Far: 84

( ) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle–
(x) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard (I really wanted to catch this one and never did)

Total so far: 91

( ) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later–
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld (not by choice)

Total so far: 98

( ) Kill Bill vol 1–
( ) Kill Bill vol 2-
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes-
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness

Total so far: 101

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith—
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor–

Total so far:  107

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

Grand total: 116 (49%)

I’d have to say I don’t consider a great deal of these movies worth watching – even a few that I did see. So I figure half is a good answer. Also, this is a pretty old list – Harry Potter 5 and Shrek 3 are noticeably missing.

“I CAN is way more important than IQ – so get that little pill.”

Way to remind me of the sheer mass of stupidity surrounding me in the world first thing in the morning, spam!